Marriage

As a young girl I often watched hoe my parents kissed and cuddled and it made me very happy. It made me believed that marriage is the most amazing thing that could happen to two people. My parents went through bad patches too. They would fight and my mom would cry. I did not like to see that. My dad would stand at the bathroom door where would hide and he would ask her to please open. She would then finally get out of the bathroom and they would make up to my greatest relieve. 

I did not believe in divorce and was totally shocked when my aunt divorced after her husband left her with 7 children for his secretary. He deserted them all. It was a terrible shock for me. I felt so bad for my aunt and my cousins. 

Well until I had dated a few guys I decided that marriage was not for me. I could not stand in a church and promise tk God abd the community that I would always stay true to one person. I knew that I could fall out of love and what about the partner? He could also just not care anymore. My relationships made me very suspicious. 

My parents were not pushy but when my second sister married with 21 and I was 23 the pressure started. Everyone was really looking at me as if I needed to get someone. Many of my friends were married by the time and there I was still happily doing my own thing. I finished my studies, started teaching, bought a flat in Durban and a car. I felt really great about my accomplishments. I took singing lessons, played netball in a netball club and lived with a special friend. We had so much fun together 

So why would I need a man. Until my dad whom I listened to and adored said I should not forget our neighbour Hans. He had seen how he had looked at me in church. I didn’t like him much because he was a very loud and controlling person. He was a math teacher and lieutenant in the army. 

I avoided men like him. I wanted someone that could talk and enjoy life and be kind and supportive of me and my dreams. 

But when he asked me to dance at a party I realized that this man has a mission and that he would be ver let me go. He had waited very long for me abd I never knew. It was all very strange and different to what I had imagined. I was not on Love with him at first but I really believed that he would be a good husband and father. Someone I could trust. I knew his family and liked his friends. He was a very spontaneous person and bought me an engagement ring very quickly. About three months after we danced at the party. 

It all seemed a bit quick but I hoped abd prayed that it would workout. I nearly pulled out a month before but when I started seeing my wedding dress it was much better. I started feeling more at ease. 

The marriage was nicer than I thought. He was very caring and supportive. He was so sweet to ne. He would bring me coffee to bed every morning. $3 would help me I the kitchen and he would take care of all our bills. 

I fell more abd more i. Love with him. He was a good choice but he did flip out sometimes when he was in a bad mood. 

We had two beautiful children together. They were the sweetest and we adored them. I was a mother abd a yea her abd kept the household running we went to church every Sunday avd made new friends. Our life was nearly perfect until he got sick. And died after 1 year of sickness, 3 years of remission and two more years of sickness. 

He got a brain tumor out of know where it was traumatic for me and my kids but I continued working and caring for them as much as I could. 

We moved to another city when he got sick for the second time and when he died we were in a new environment. A new school and new friends for them. 

It was hard abd I was battling financially. My husbands salary was gone. I decided to move to Johannesburg with them and work at my job again that I had put on hold while Habs was such. It could have worked but then my second husband came into my life. He wanted us to marry abd live with our four kids together. I was not sure about his idea but then when everything fell into place with the sake of our houses abd finding a gorgeous house together it worked out. 

I promised to be his partner for the rest of my life abd that I would take care of his kids. It was all very sweet and well meant but then the bomb burst. His daughter and my son turned 17. They were in the height of rebelling against everyone avd everything and they challenged both of us. They pushed it so far that the daughter did not speak to me for a year abd my husband asked me to leave He wa afraid that she would leave abd thought it was better that we divorced. My heart was broken. 

I could not believe that a German Lutheran would do such a thing. He had promised to stick it through with me but he couldn’t keep his promise. I was very embarrassed abd shocked that he did his to me. 9 had mit deserved this and his daughter would come around eventually but he just decided that he wanted out. 

My fimanscial struggle started again and I finished my studies. I changed my job for a better imbibe abd bought my own house again after a year. It was important that my kids felt that they had a home. 

He also broke off all communication with me abd ny kids. And left out church. I was deeply disappointed in him but forgave him because he was a human being abd on top of that an Ingenieur who did not have any emotional connection foon with anyone. 

It was sad many people had warned me about him but I really loved him and did not listen.

After him I did not want to date. But men saw me and liked me abd wNted to go out with me. I started falling for one man again but he also disappointed me. I was then asked to get engaged and accepted but left the relationship after 6 months be a use his daughters were very co

Private x. 

I liked one guy who lived far away. I met another one oversees abd wanted him to come to my country but he couldn’t leave his children 

And so the list we t on. I was not keen to marry while my kids were still in he house. 

I was crying in my bed be aus Ei. The day I would work abd be a mother avd had lots of responsibilities. 

 Until I met another instructional designer from the ISA. He was older but really kind. I liked him from the day I met him. We are now married for 10 years. It’s been the best time if my life we travel and work and live together  But now I took a work back in my country. And wanted to spend more time with my kids as grandkids. 

But now a shadow has faljen over us again. My daughter in law ran off. She did not like me and she was the decider that I caused my son’s bad moods He was a bit like his father abd coukd flip

When he was hungry it frustrated. 

She ran to stay with her parents and now they are divorced and I do not see me grandchild.  My heart is broken again. I don’t know why marriage can be such a heartbreaking institution.  

I even question why one needs to  get married but I do know that it’s good for a child to have a solid foundation with family.

My son did not put up a fight abd let her go because his advisor asked him what was best for the child parents that fight all the tkne it parents that are civil with each other. 

I don’t know how to deal with this… my heart longs for my grandchild but she does not want to see me.  

I can only pray that Gid wil protect my little grandchild and to

Keep her safe. 

Marriage is no guarantee that a relationship will last. It’s a commitment to each other that protects women and children but if they leave nothing protects them. and is recommendable but not a